Drowing in Icing

I dare anyone who thinks their job is difficult to take on the task of caring for a newborn & potty training a toddler whilst maintaining some sense of sanity. I’d rather give our Cleo, our bi-polar cat, a root canal.

I’m having difficulty pin pointing the actual favourite part of my day. Little E is usually fairly adaptable to situations, but the potty is something she cannot quite grasp (and honestly, if I had someone to change me throughout the day, I’d choose to carry on in my 2 year old world as well!). She’s having the 1st real responsibility thrust onto her shoulders & is pissed. She will happily sit on the potty when she doesn’t have to go – the pain in my shoulders & back are evidence of this as we sat together for hours & hours today – she on her potty & I on the hardwood, hard ass, floor.

We had a few successful potty moments, interrupted by sheer moments of rage on her part & utter horror on mine. Pretty much everything runs through your mind. Such as, “this is just part of the process, no one said it would be easy”, “these rages she’s having probably won’t affect her permanently, right?”, and my favourite, “you’re the worst mother in the world, you should have potty trained her long ago”.

I also question whether potty training is really necessary? There is a clear correlation between potty training and dating. If there’s a chance she might piss on a date, I know it won’t go anywhere, there’s solace in that.

Couple that scenario with caring for the Baby Apostle & you’ve got a complete circus on your hands. He had a good day, but there’s just no easy way of caring for a little one when your life is consumed by the potty world. How does one negotiate diapers while sitting on the floor next to the deep freeze (had to get out of the bathroom & move the potty so Mom could be slightly saner in a larger environment)?

The highlight may have been trying to grab baby wipes with my badly in need of a pedicure toes while balancing the Baby Apostle on one knee and giving him his bottle through some weird pose with my chin, holding onto Little E (who is screaming her lips off as she just peed on the floor), with one hand and swatting the cat who is dangerously close to knocking over the canister of jelly beans I’d been bribing Little E with. There’s nothing left to do by cry at that point.

Once everyone was calm it seemed like things might be quiet long enough for me to empty the dishwasher. That’s when the smell hit me…where was the smell of curdled throw up coming from?
Garbage? Nope.
Garbage disposal? Nada.
Moi? Ding, ding, ding.

How long had that dried spit up been on me? Not sure…it was dry. Sex bomb! Can’t decide what’s hotter, wearing dried spit up, the giant granny panties I’ve resigned myself to or my greasy, matted to my head hair…when did I wash it last??? Fuck knows.

Both children are sleeping soundly now & it’s early.

I should be celebrating by breaking the celibacy which follows childbirth, but he’s had to go back to work to make up for lost time he took out to help me today. And I won’t pretend that celibacy would have been broken due to my current and aforementioned, state of physical unawareness.

Guess I’ll clean & eat leftover weekend cupcakes…

…and listen to Neil Diamond and wait for tomorrow.


Neil Diamond
Image via Wikipedia

If you’re thinkin‘ that my life
Is a hoot and a holler
From the start of the day
To the dark of the night
Then it’s ringing like a bell
That you only wanna follow
And trust me when I say
I’m just trying to get it right
Still I think about myself
As a lucky old dreamer
If you’re asking me to tell
Is it worth what I paid?
You’re gonna hear me say
Hell yeah it is
And I say it loud
I loved it all
And I’m not too proud
I freed my soul
Just let it fly
Hell yeah this crazy life around me
It confuses and confounds me
But its all the life
I’ve got
Until I die
Hell yeah it is

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One thought on “Drowing in Icing

  1. I seriously feel as though you have just given me a glimpse of what my future will be in a few months – yikes!
    I hear you on the potty training difficulties though…seems like in the last 2 days Jaquelyn has thrown all progress out the window and we've had numerous accidents. I'd love to have her trained before baby #2 arrives, but who knows if it will actually happen?
    And at least you are thinking about "breaking the celibacy" THAT has to count for something!!

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