Abuse From The Balcony

So, my folks will be arriving this Saturday. Dum, da, dum, dum – indeed. You think your parents are bad? Makers of awkward situations? Unaware of their outside voices? Prepare to be dazzled. I win, hands down, in the “Most Eccentric Parent” category – don’t even try to compete. BOTH of mine are currently vying for the top honour.

My parents are Statler & Waldorf.

I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the impending arrival. They live only a short 3 hour drive away. An improvement from when I lived in California, a border between us was necessary for a while, but I did miss them. So when I returned to Canada, I decided that moving back to their city was not a good idea, but 3 hours was a perfectly reasonable distance. Oh yeah, and no guest room equals a hotel stay for S&W, so that gives us breaks during the visit too.

Here’s how our last visit went…

Baby Apostle – 4 days old

Me – still fat

Waldorf (Dad) – wanting to know when I was going to loose the baby weight. “How long do you think it will take you? 4 weeks, 5 weeks or 6 weeks?” Hmmm, awkward much? The Baby Apostle will be 7 weeks old tomorrow & I don’t think I’ve lost an ounce. I intend on discussing his penis size should he bring up the subject this weekend.

It’s like being forced to watch the birth of someone you know via some dude’s Daddy-Cam. Too shocking to speak & too awkward to look away.

Dad also enjoys guessing strangers names based on their ethnicity. Fun times.

Now for Statler (Mom). I clean like a maniac before they arrive, which was easier before the kidlets arrived, but I’ll still do it if it means I only get an hour of sleep the night before. I’d like to think that my home is clean, perhaps untidy at times, but at least clean. I work hard to try to maintain my goal of having a home that is always 15 minutes away from being “company ready”.

That been said, I can be a little Monica Geller about cleaning too. I believe it’s due to the fact that Statler instilled the fear that if I didn’t keep a clean home, body, life, mind and soul that a place would be reserved for me in the Ninth Circle of Hell.

Here’s how our last visit went…

Baby Apostle – 4 days old

Me – Still slightly high off the endorphins of having a wonderful drug free home birth with zero complications.

Statler (Mom) – “You let Music Man stay with you when you delivered?”. Um, yeah. Apparently when our daughter was born (in a hospital) it was okay for him to stay with me, but having Music Man stay with me while I had our son at home, put childbirth in a whole other realm of yucky. I dunno. I can assure you, Music Man being present was the least yucky part of the whole day!

That’s enough of Statler & Waldorf for today. I have stories that would make you spray your beverage of choice across your monitor, but we’re just getting to know each other & you really need to be introduced gradually to these two.

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2 thoughts on “Abuse From The Balcony

  1. You totally crack me up! I take it, getting together with your parents isn't always a fun time huh? Music Man…that's Alec right? Is that what they call him? I wish you good luck while they're there! :o)

  2. Wow, I want to hear more! They sound so awesome. I love it…especially the baby weight comment. That kind of thing gets you punched around here. 🙂

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