Jon is a Trainwreck

Any hope I had of Jon Gosselin maintaining any kind of decorum is out the window. Once the divorce was decided, why not wait for it to be finalized before you start dating again? I get that he’s going through some kind of new found freedom of expression (insert homo diamond earring joke here), but sex is gonna lead to more babies dude. Really?

Apparently it was Kate who had the fertility issues, but Jon, you may want to double bag it just in case – I’m just sayin’. While I’m on the babies subject…they were married in June 1999 and got pregnant with the twins February 2000 (born October 2000). Jon was only 22 when they got married. Could just be me, but is it a little weird to jump to fertility treatments so quickly after getting married? I dunno, maybe they started trying way before they got married (gasp, like maybe when Jon was 20?) – what would Kate’s Christian Publisher think about that?

Anyway, back to Dickface Jon – someone needs to kick him up the ass. What’s he thinking parading his tart around France? And is it me or does she totally look like a long haired, younger version of Kate?

jon-gosselin-435

Apparently she’s the daughter of the surgeon who gave Kate her tummy tuck. Jon was all concerned about his kids one day “Googling” him on the “Separation Episode” – worried about what they might find. Well Mr. Father Of The Year…congratulations, they will see Daddy arriving in France getting ready to pork the daughter of the man who unporked their mother. Way to go. You should totally see someone about making a super hero bobble head in your honour.

Oh yeah, and the Christian Audigier clothing line you’re so into makes you look like a douche. Chicks don’t dig dudes on Harleys who wear tattoo inspired clothes…chicks dig dudes on Harleys who have tattoos.

douche

I’m burning my Team Jon shirt. Or taking my Magic Marker to it and putting a skull on it or something so I can be cool too.

Maybe when his tart is riding him bareback (come on – you know he’s a bottom) his head will hit the headboard & those ridiculous earrings will get knocked out of his melon.

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5 thoughts on “Jon is a Trainwreck

  1. totally loved this.. He is a dickface.. I hope childsupport nails him to the wall.. Or will he even have to pay. Will TLC pay his bills.. Where the hell did he get the money to buy a $180,000 ring for said tart? I need to pitch a tv show about my family of 5, our dog and the 2 ducks we have.

  2. Word. 180 grand. What the fuck? I can’t imagine what child support looks like for 8, but I hope his tart enjoys Kraft Dinner, the gravy train is slowing to a halt.

    Also, when Jon & Kate got married the tart was 12…EWWW.

  3. That is so upsetting! I had been following the J&K drama for a while, but have fallen behind. What an ass! And yes, she does look like a long-haired younger Kate.

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