If I Could Turn Back Time

It probably bears mentioning that I arguably have terrible taste in music. I won’t defend it, it is what it is & rocks my world. Here’s the rules to following the Not So Irreverent School of Rock.

1. Elvis is the number one all time best singer living or dead – not negotiable.

2. If you are a gay artist, or have a large gay fanbase – you’re in.

That’s it.

I don’t really need to bring up George (again), but please don’t call, text, holler, or expect any kind of response while I’m watching Live In London, as I will be tied up with that washroom loving freak show.

And I love Cher. With an unhealthy devotion. I grew up watching Sonny & Cher reruns (as I wasn’t alive when the show actually aired). Statler & Waldorf were hip up until the 70’s, which is where they somehow got stunted, so the Sonny & Cher comedy hour, along with the Smothers Brothers and the Lawrence Welk show were high on rotation in our house. Statler & Waldorf were actually cool until they left the house – I realized in junior high school that other parents didn’t wear green eye shadow or lesuire suits. Also, other moms didn’t call hairspray “spray-net” and other moms let their daughters use hairspray, or any hair products for that matter. Anyway, although I turned out quasi normal, some things were just embedded in the inner most parts of my brain tissue. Like Cher. And the need to clean when angry – but that’s another story.

The first time I saw Cher live, she was here in Calgary. Alec, God bless him, went with me. We had floor seats & although they weren’t fantastic, I was in the same room as Cher – along with 16,994 drag queens and 3 middle aged women and 2 husbands. It was awesome. Alec didn’t know she had such a huge gay following – must’ve missed all the cues on Will & Grace. At one point he asked me if the guys along the hockey penalty box might be gay, I felt the rolled up short shorts & beer with straws gave them away. Also, the 6’5″ woman in front of us with feathers in her hair and adam’s apple might’ve been a clue as to who truly loves Cher. It was fantastic.

When I heard Cher was doing Vegas, I ran to Alec like a junkie needing a fix. The look on his face was slightly pained & he said “please don’t make me go”. Um, okay, I’ll go to Vegas with a friend and you stay with Emmy for 3 days (Jude was but a glimmer then). So that’s what I did. Again, pure awesomeness. The glitter confetti guns at the end of the show had me pulling sparkles out of my ass for no less than a week & I began planning how to make my own clothes out of mesh & duct tape -which I’ll get on right after I finish that Jillian Michael’s 30 day shred thing.

You need to know this history before I tell you what has happened…

Someone may have taped a Cher concert over our wedding video.

I won’t say who, but there’s a good chance she gives good head. A lot.

And yes, it was the only copy in existence.

Here’s to digging through more boxes to see if perhaps it was mislabeled.


2 thoughts on “If I Could Turn Back Time

  1. Oh my….not the wedding video! I hope there is another one somewhere 🙂 I do like your taste in music, and that you reminded your husband of your talent before he could kill you 🙂

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