Not At All Revolutionary

If you haven’t seen Revolutionary Road, but intend to – leave now. There’s loads of spoilers ahead.

I put this movie in the same class as The Break-Up. I can’t believe I wasted 2 hours of my life watching people abuse each other. There are 2 things I will give RR, Sam Mendes is a great director, and Thomas Newman did a fantastic job on the score. Those were the two threads that kept my attention. The story was ridiculous. The movie itself was slow, but instead of that process endearing the characters to me, I ended up wanting to smack the both of them. What a couple of whinny crybabies.

I will preface this scathing review by saying that I previously didn’t understand the appeal of Leo DiCaprio – but he’s growing on me. The whole Titanic phenomena was lost on me. I could not for the life of me figure out what Kate Winslet’s character saw in the androgynous waif boy Leo over Billy Zane. I was thrilled when the ship went down and something actually happened. Although Sam Mendes did a great job directing RR, I was hoping James Cameron would show up and blow up the 2 crybabies in a fantastic display carnage. Leo & Kate (Frank & April) completely embodied their characters, but I didn’t like either of them – I didn’t care about either of them.

I’m all for watching characters explore ways to enrich their lives and find fulfillment. These characters do neither. They explore various ways to undo the other under veiled excuses that it will make them happier. Both isolated in a suburban nightmare. We’ve all been there. When I have my head in the oven, scrubbing baked on apple pie and nothing seems to be going right, the first thought I have is “man, this sucks”. Not once have I thought “gee, I could totally go for some neighbour dick”. Maybe that’s just me & why my life isn’t a movie. And what is with April’s vagina? Two sex scenes and she gets both guys to come in about 11 seconds. What’s up there that’s so exciting? Glitter? Football? How very unsatisfying for her. You’d think having a fun vagina would be a good thing, turns out it makes you a depressed adulterous. But don’t jump all over April too fast, as Frank has been banging the office bicycle – a young girl sleeping her way to mediocrity. So, Frank and April really do deserve each other.

These two had everything we’re told we’re supposed to want. Good job, good wife, good house, good kids (one of each gender I believe). And yet they’re not happy. Is this supposed to surprise me? I’m supposed to feel bad for them because their diamond shoes pinch their toes? Come on! Take some responsibility for decisions.

Where in the hell were the 2 kids? For two people who despised each other, themselves, and their lives – we didn’t see much of the props that saddled them down so much.

The next time I’m tired of cleaning out the fridge, the toilets, diapers and various things that are a part of the job description I accepted, I will make a plan to move to Paris – evidently I am to suspend logical thinking that those are not worries over there. When the plan doesn’t come to fruition, I will have a grown up sized tantrum which will lead to my demise.

Maybe not. I don’t speak French anyway.

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