525,600

I love RENT. It’s been said.

Also, that’s how many minutes little Jude has been with us, well, as of 3:15pm anyway – one year. Now it’s like, 525,667 minutes. How can that be? It seems like I justwrote this. He was born on a Tuesday afternoon in our bathtub, which was somewhat unexpected – not the being born part, but the bathtub part. Without writing anything gross like…Placenta…or even grosser, like, Plasagna…I can tell you it was awesome & we love our midwives.

I started this blog just after Jude arrived. Combination of caffeinated drinks and a baby who was a great sleeper, lead to free time – that’s gone now – that’s for sure. So, here’s 10 things I have learned in these little 365 days – should probably be the 10 things Jude has learned, but what’s fun about that? He’s an infant. He’s done infant like things.

1. Emmy adapted to being a big sister better than anyone could’ve anticipated. We were blessed with such a great little helper that I almost want one more.

Almost.

2. Jude’s little attitude gets funnier every day. He’s going to be the one principals have meetings about. While I type this, he’s napping. And by “napping”, I totally mean “stacking his blankets & teddy bear up in the corner of his bed to catapult himself over the edge”. The kid can’t walk, but he’s got the balls of Super Dave.

3. I have abandoned the Mommy Dearest obsessive compulsive need to have our house perfect. This has probably resulted in a slightly healthier mental state of being, but has turned my house into what I can only describe as a land fill. Sometimes I can’t decide where smells are coming from. There’s just too many sources of odour to keep track of.

We’ve also hired a cleaning service who I wished lived with us. Truth be told, as much as I thought I enjoyed cleaning like Monica Geller, I enjoy it more when others do it. I also love that they don’t judge me. Like the time I asked them to clean under the sink & they asked me what they should do with a pair of the hospital ginch you get after you have a baby (the mesh kind). Garbage. So glad I held on to those! Or the time I was worried Alec’s mom or someone would find my vibrator in the bedside table that I moved it to under the bed, where Emmy found it and we were treated to a rousing rendition of “Twinkle Twinkle” with my vibrator subbing in as the mic. So I stashed it under a book on my bedside table as soon as she finished up her lovely singing where the cleaning ladies found it and put it back in my bedside table…bless them.

4. It’s weird, before Jude was born, I was a total masterbaker who only enjoyed feeding others – I would make batches of cookies & muffins and not eat a single one. Post baby, I couldn’t stop eating my baking. Cookies, scones, cakes, cupcakes, cornbread, ice cream, cobbler. It was ridiculous and I put on my pregnancy weight post pregnancy.

So I’m not baking so much anymore – and my butt might be smaller? I don’t know. Maybe.

I’m trying to hold off on baking until Christmas. Then girlfriends, I think we need to have a bake fest.

5. I have been meaning to do the Jillian Michael’s 30 day shred for about 362 days of the last year.

6. I have discovered Glee. Yes, as much as I resisted, someone insisted it wasn’t to be missed. I now have fantasies about Shue serenading me with a song while removing my bra with his teeth. Sorry babe – you get the knocked up cheerleader.

7. I joined 2 more direct selling companies. For a while there, it seemed like I was collecting businesses like plastic bags. I learned lessons from each one that I have applied to the one I’m doing now – that is amazing. The other businesses have fallen by the way side – I’ve had to choose where my time is most effective and it’s with Stella & Dot. I cannot believe I sell jewelry. The day Jude was born, I was wearing my wedding rings – the only jewelry I wore for years. Now I have an enviable collection, but what’s more is that I get to meet fantastic people, get out of the house & be someone other than Emmy & Jude’s mom. I get to show people that it’s not what you have – but how you wear it. Be confident, be radiant, be the woman you want your little girl to grow up to be. I am honoured to be with this company.

8. Shortly after Emmy was born in 2006, Alec began working from home. I had a difficult delivery with her, resulting in recovery taking several months & I really needed the help. When we settled into a routine, it made little sense for Alec to move his studio back downtown. We always thought he would work from home for the rest of his career. Then we all lost Bruce. Alec will be working with Bruce’s studio more closely, resulting in him moving his studio downtown again. It’s going to be weird not having Alec home during the day. I’m not sure how we’re going to adjust to the change (and if you know Alec & his work schedule, you understand why I see it as being a little daunting), but we’ll figure it out. What is even weirder is that I still can’t believe Bruce is gone – I truly think grief is the only emotion that does not respect time.

9. I look okay with short hair. I always let it grow out until people think I’m a hippy or someone gets their hand stuck in it. It was this big, but didn’t look that good unless I used a lot of product. So I decided it was time for change. I was raised to believe that a woman with short hair is less feminine than a woman with long hair. So, I look forward to rockin’ out this weekend with Statler who will berate me about my lesbian make over. It will be awesome, I’m looking forward to it a little too much.

10. I’m still married. Not that it should surprise me, I think Alec & I have a wicked marriage, but those of you with kids know that the year following the birth of a child can get a little hairy. There were more days than I’d like to admit that I ate Nutella sandwiches for 2 meals chased with Pepsi & a pint of blueberry ice cream and cry because my ass wouldn’t fit into my pre-pregnancy pants (they do now…whomp whomp). Also, there were a couple of times that I may have been slightly irrational about some things…I can’t remember what but I’m sure Alec does. Dudes, if you need advice on how to handle crazy, just fire Alec an email, he’ll help you out. It gets better after that first year. It’s hard to snap back to normal after your body has put on weight, pushed a human through your hooha, take weight off again, trying to fist a nap in somewhere when your older kid doesn’t want to, try to have some semblance of a normal dietary routine so your older kid doesn’t think all meals should arrive with the words “Happy Meal” plastered across the side and have sex once in a while because fuck (come on, it’s been a while since I’ve used a fuck word), all of that is accomplished with ridiculous hormones coursing through ones body.

So, that’s been the year in a nut shell. We also re-did our back yard last summer, so all you friends out there, come on over – I’ll feed you McDonald’s while you watch our kids so we can go have some sex & a nap.

Happy Birthday Buddy – Emmy & I made a fun cake for you!

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2 thoughts on “525,600

  1. Did you mean to use the word “fist” in this sentence? ” … trying to fist a nap in somewhere when your older kid doesn’t want to…”
    If you didn’t – not judging you.
    If you did? GENIUS. Parenthood is much like getting fisted…

  2. I really did use fist in that sentence. 🙂 I like to fist ’em in where ever I can. It also make Alec question my parenting when I use that word.

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