How You Remind Me You’re a Loser

I’ve never claimed to be a lover of great music. My freak flag for George Michael has flown high for decades.

BUT, it’s common knowledge that I believe Chad Kroeger to be Canada’s largest douchebag. It’s true, we’ve had a few in our history. But Chad takes the cake. Or the beaver. Yes, we get it Chad, you like the pussy. Like naming your band after the coin that bears our animal wasn’t enough, but I had to choke back vomit when I heard “Something In Your Mouth” today. Really? Fine, I suppose if a stripper lowered her standards, you’d have a chance – clearly you have a way with words. There’s a rumour that the name of the band has something to do with Chad’s Starbucks beginnings & telling customers “here’s your nickel back”. Suuuuure. I’m glad I haven’t purchased any of their music, ’cause I’d want a helluva lot more than a nickel back. Don’t assume that my dislike for Something in Your Mouth has anything to do with it’s lyrical content, I’m  not a prude. Hell, I rocked out to Closer like all of you, but let’s face it – Trent Reznor, Chad is not.

Clearly, these guys have fans – and yes, I’m judging all of them based on their front-man. They’ve won NINE Junos! They were here not that long ago & people went. Paid money. Attended. They’ve lasted way longer than I think any of us predicted – they’re like Canadian Herpes.

Aside from the fact that most of their songs sound wildly similar and forget that Chad’s voice sounds like what would come out of Fred Durst AND Aaron Lewis if they were in a choke hold, why all the hate? I mean, there’s loads of celebs, bands, what have you’s who leave me scratching my head as to why they have a following (can we say “Kardashian” or “Spedi”?), but I don’t vehemently voice my disdain at every opportunity for those bags of skin, why for Nickelback?

It’s been 4 years of my utter disdain for this sack, and it’s simple really.

Like his hair isn’t cliche enough, Chad drives a fucking Lamborghini – oh yeah, and he did it drunk. Like, nearly double the legal limit drunk. And to make the ick-factor even higher – he tried to have the case dismissed on a technicality – he wanted the mounties to make sure his whoremobile got home safely, which meant he got booked late. Violation of his rights my ass – thankfully that motion was thrown out of court.

Sure, we all make mistakes – but own them. Chad & his lawyers issued no official statement. His reaction (or lack thereof) to the behaviour was reminiscent of a high schooler caught out after curfew, except he could have killed someone.

Unfortunately, he was only sentenced to a $600 dollar fine & a 1 year driving suspension. Sad.

Just saying “we all make mistakes”, “I don’t condone drunk driving” doesn’t cut it Chad. Not even close. The next time you go on a bender, could you please pick up Charlie Sheen on your way to going over the legal limit? While you’re at it grab Chris Brown too. If you’re going to drive a speeding rocket of death, I’d like you to be sure the seatbelts are full of people who make stupid life choices.

And yes, I know George has had his masturbatory issues and even drug issues (if weed is drugs), but arresting someone for an intent to nap & possession, is different than drunkly speeding a $175,000 vehicle in a fucking suburb – at least George drives something sensible like a BMW.

I’d rather go down worshiping REO Speedwagon than this guy.

No Chad, you can have your Nickelback.


5 thoughts on “How You Remind Me You’re a Loser

  1. Wow. So much to be said…so I will be brief:
    1) Ain’t nothing wrong with self-love…just sayin
    2) Weed…not as terrible as some people make it out to be
    3) If Chad, Charlie and Chris end up in a vehicle together, please add Speidi, Lilo, Paris Hilton…well, pretty much every Hollywood loser that is famous for no good reason
    4) Nickelback sucks the big one…I can’t stand them…hey, maybe that was their inspiration for that song…just sayin

  2. Nice! Although I have to say one of my guilty pleasures is the four or five Nickelback songs that they play on the radio from time to time. But what the hell do I know, I have a soft spot for a few of TaTu’s songs too, god help me.

  3. Funny, but you didn’t even touch on the offspring of crappy music out there because of them. Theory of a NickelCreek anyone? Ugh!

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